API’s Are Helpfully Evil

I’ve been slowly moving forward with FreeCodeCamp. I’ve got a few back solutions to post after they’re prettified and de-Jennifered to make them universally understandable. I’m learning a large amount of information, even if I can’t immediately see how it will be helpful, or even understand it at first. Which brings me to my arch nemesis: API *dun dun dunnnnn*


Let me tell you a little story about how we met and didn’t fall in love at first sight:
I was young and naive when I walked into the room. There was a party for all the programmers and I figured I was old enough to attend. All the nice people in the Gitter chat were gushing over how nice API was and how they were a great friend to have. Even though their name, application program interface, suggested otherwise. I figured, I’m nice. I like to meet new people. I bet we could become fast friends. Famous last words if there were ever any.

API Party Love

I swear the party looked just like this when I walked in.

So, there I am, propping up the wall, trying to figure out how to approach API without coming across as too ignorant. Lo and behold, they make the first move. Over comes CodeAcademy to give me tips on what API likes and doesn’t like. CA waves over his friends “Get”, “Post”, “Put”, and “Delete”. They hold my hand while breaking some things down for me. “Get” likes to learn and is always requesting information, while “Post” likes to create new information. “Put” walks around updating and tidying up small things. The three warned me to beware of “Delete” though. His names says it all. I just think he’s misunderstood.

So after our little intro and a little liquid courage, I’m feeling confident and stroll over to meet API for myself. I swear it was like trying to find a ninja that was wearing all black on the night of the new moon in a freaking dense as hell forest. I had no clue where to start. I started to get antsy, but figured before I had a full blown panic attack, I’d ask around.

One person told me that API was wearing a green shirt and liked to walk everywhere backwards. The next said they were wearing a pink tutu and hanging upside down from the rafters. The next person said API was just a myth and I didn’t have high enough security clearance to hear any more.

jQuery saw I was floundering and tried to boost me up, but it was like I’d suddenly forgotten English with as much as I understood him. I politely wandered off. As I was trying to sneak out AJAX bulldozed over me. She bought me a drink, or three, and at that point, I felt I could take on the world.

I boldly stepped to the middle of the room, shouting over everyone, and demanded that API showed their face. Well, remember how they’re a ninja? I saw a foot right before I hit the floor. Node.js sauntered by with a muttered “You asked for that.” I thanked Node for his unsolicited and unhelpful comment before peeling myself, my pride and my migraine up off the floor.

I didn’t officially meet API until 3 days later. Thankfully, their feet stayed on the floor that time. They told me they overreacted, thinking I was another hard-core fan, coming to kidnap and alter their genes again. I gladly accepted an invitation for coffee and a promised explanation of their past and how to make things easier.

We’ve still got a long way to go with getting to know each other, but the Gitter base was right. API is a swell person once you get past that mean round house kick.


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